Good employer?

A friend asked me.
" Do you have great news to share with me?"
And I was like, " What????"
Actually I think I know what they're meant but personally I rather don't want to talk about it.
It is a good and great news but for some reasons, I know that deep down in my heart that I don't deserved this. I lacked so many things last year and even these days.
I tried hard to improve myself but it seems like everything against my will.
I can't focus.
Since this early year, I think a lot of people rely/depend on me so much that I just want to run away.
The pressure is keep piling up.
Am I gonna survived at the end of year??

That Smile

Track Field
4.00 pm

I saw you walking.
That small petite body.
In blue running vest.
Then one of our athlete get up and waved her hand to catch your attention.
You saw her, smile to her and waved to her back.
Instantly I was in awe.
Looking on that wide sweet precious smile.
Your ponytail looks cute.
You then walked to her and both you started to chat.
I was mesmerized with your smile and that eyesmile.
I kept looking at you.
I wished I was you.
With that precious smile.
That precious eyesmile.
Everything.
But then, we can wish, doesn't mean we got what we want.
I think I'm good. I'm satisfy with myself.

* So, the story is, I saw this girl. Really pretty. She smiles a lot. I think I fall for her. Doesn't mean I am a lesbi, since I like guy too. Just I think I like a lot of people.

My little Jordan

My Little Jordan.
I have little memories of you being born.
It was a time when I was away from home.
Trying to do the best of my own life.
Alone.
Without family on my side.

It was early in year of 2012.
On end of January.
When everybody at home in chaos of waiting for you,
There's was me. Struggling in the far away place.

After few weeks I finally got time to go home to meet you.
And you know what your mother said to me the 1st time I met her?
She said " He's the cutest. My son is the cutest!!".
I smiled on that remark.
She's fool for you.
But, yes, indeed, you're the cutest. That pure sweet smile of you.
You always smile even for the slightest thing.
Everyone adores you.

Then I went again for another far away journey.
This time really across the ocean.
Again, alone.
Without family on my side.
I couldn't spent much time with you.

Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed.
You already 1 year old.
Still you smiled a lot.
Even to strangers.

As years go, I realized that I learnt a lot from you.
Lesson that I've never learn from my other nephews & nieces.
I learn that you little things is the purest innocent people on the planet.
That's so many things that you'll have to learn.
And it was our job, us, the oldies to teach you guys the right thing.
To teach you only the good things.
To love you to the fullest.
To interact with you eventhough it irritated me because you asked too much.
Learn to lose so you'll be the winner.
So many things that I never consider before and its' all good things.
Thank you.

Job Dillema

So I'm in big city right now. Working here. Its really fun here but a lot of time I miss home so much that I just want to run away go home. Unfortunately, its not easy as it seems. I can't go home much since I can't. Simply cannot.

So, I'm thinking maybe I should ask for transferring. Transfer work to my hometown but then its also not easy as it seems. It'll takes time and I don't want to go all the process. Haha. I know I'm lazy. I should work hard to get things that I wanted. The question is, I want this really-really bad or not? Since I'm still quite like being here.

So, I'm in lost. Probably should stick to things that I have now. I'll sort things out. I should not worry too much.