Just some weird stuffs

Its really funny actually because these days have been a really great day for me.

Eventhough there's like a lot of annoying, bad stuffs but I keep being positive.

And that's weird for me because most of the time I will be depressed because of all that bad stuffs.

I guess I already passed that depression stage.

And now live the happy life.

Well, of course there still like a lot of things ahead but I think I'll can manage it well.

Last weekend my sister came to the city with her family and stayed in my place.

I had fun playing with my superactive nephew.

He is really active that when it passed 9 pm he still roaming around the room playing.

And I was like, what are you doing? You still not sleeping? You aren't tired? Go to sleep la...

He said that he hates me because I don't want to play with him.

The things is I was already really tired and I just want to sleep. Haha.

Later in the afternoon after they left, I found my place is really felt empty and quite.

Yup, live alone is hard and quite but I am okay with it.

A year live alone, I can handle this.

Beside my niece is coming this early Disember, so nice, baby.

Thank you for reading my nonsense talk..

Girls' Generation and SM

Just back from checking my twitter timeline and wolla, full of news about SNSD's contract with SM. I can't believe this thing actually happened. Like, what??? * Tiffany's voice*.

So the thing is 5 of Soshi re-sign with SM while Tiffany, Sooyoung and Seohyun left the company. The news report that they left the company but not the group. That's a little bit hope there isn't it?

Anyway, I fully understand if Tiff, Sooyoung and Seohyun don't want to re-sign since SM is not really a good company. I think in term of morality. It's all about profit as usual.

Beside, some of them probably already spend their time there more than a decade already.

I think its good if they want some fresh new air.

To be honest I want them to be together. Like there's still a lot of things that they can accomplish together. Like Yoona said before in one of her interview, SNSD still have a lot of things to accomplish. But still, I want them to get out from the company seeing how badly the girls being treated. Come on, SM!!!!

I said this before, about the downfall of SNSD. I don't really like the idea but I know it will happen. But this not download. SNSD is legend and always be. I am gonna with settle down. Hahah.  I still have hope that SNSD continuing their activities but things actually get more worst. So, I think its time to back to reality. SNSD is already 10 years group. That's a long time period. They sacrificed so many things a long that time but its time for them to fully do what they want now. 

As for me, they are my youth. That's keep doing what I want to do. To always work hard in everything I do. 

If SNSD wants to settle down then I think time for to settle down KPOP is come too. *salted*

Bye September, Hello October

Today is 2nd of October. September has ended. Just early this September I post something about "wake me up when September end" you know the song but I don't really even understand why I posted something like that. Like, why? I have to check the song lyric again to know what is going on. Haha.

Anyway, I don't really remember what have I done last month. But one thing for sure, I just become a Wannable. You know, fan of Wanna One. I really can't believe it actually because I'm not really into them. Even I don't watch Produce 101 either season 1 or 2 but I do check IOI before. I watched their IOI unit's appearance on Weekly Idol and their whole 2nd appearance on Knowing Brother. They're funny but still SNSD still in my heart. Hahaha. Sone for life.

But, I don't know how. I just fall in love with Wanna One. I don't even remember what show that pull me to them. I think their appearance on Happy Together. I watched them because of SNSD. They shared the same episode but different segment. I like their song btw. Never > Burn it up > Nayana (Pick Me) > Energetic.

Also, I can't believe it. Haha. I can't believe that the day of me to not into NCT has come. I am sorry. I like NCT but not so much as before. Haha. I always like that actually. Some more I am gonna like BTS or EXO or Twice or Girlfriend but it not last longer. The group that I stan longest is SNSD. Since 7 years ago and still a sone.

oh wait, what the connection between bye september and hello october??? Sorry. Now I wondering if I am gonna doing recap for NCT Life. Will do if I have my computer back. * sigh*.

My cringe childhood story

When I was in primary school, we have this handsome teacher. No, I think he's cute but...handsome. Okay, cute handsome teacher. What's the difference anyway?? Haha..

Me and one of my closest friend always stalked him in the teacher room. He always locked the room but we managed to stalked him through window. Haha. Me and my friend thought that we're cute stalking him like that back then. But, honestly, stalking him like that were not really cute as we think but rather creepy as hell. Like, what? Stalking a teacher wherever he goes. Creepy and cringy..He must be felt uncomfortable watching us stalk him like that. No wonder he always locked the door and sometimes closed the window too. Haha. So embarassing.

To that handsome teacher, we are sorry. We know we were suppose not doing that but we did anyway. Haha. Kids and girls. I haven't seen him since I left primary school and I am certainly don't want to see him again. 

While my friend already got married and have 2 kids. When we're child, I predicted that I will get married 1st before her but suprised, she did it 1st. Haha. But I'm okay with it since I am not ready to get married yet. There's still a lot of things that I want to do and I know that I'd only able achieve it without a string attached.

But yeah, life is full of suprise.

Nonsense Rants 2

1. Because it's rare it's fascinating

I don't know why but I thought about this a lot recently. Like there's a lot of things that rare and because it's rare that people find it fascinating. I was actually thinking about NCT Mukbang show. The one with Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun, Mark and Johnny. The scene where Johnny make a video call?? or some video, I don't know what they called it, and he winked at the end. Jaehyun and Mark's loud wow reaction is the best and Mark was like "He did the wink! he did the wink!" on repeat. Haha..He also make sure to tell Johnny about it "You did the wink! You did the wink, bro!". That's really fascinating to watch.

2nd scene is where they talked about Taeyong and Johnny attending Taeyong's sister's wedding and Mark said to Johnny "You wore a suit, bro". I don't know but I found it's really fascinating to watch Mark speaks in English and I know he is a Canadian btw. It's just rare to watch them talk in English since they are Kpop Idol. Korean Pop Idol.

The other day, I lurked around twitter, well, not lurk since I just checked my timeline. Okay, the other day, I checked my timeline and spotted pictures of Johnny and Taeyong in formal attire. I believe this photo was taken on Taeyong's sister's wedding and yeah it's suit indeed. They looked so handsome. I saved tha photo in my phone and I don't have a time to upload it in to my computer.

2. Don't judge

The other day, I blogged about SNSD's MV All Night and I talked about LGBT. The next other day, I read a tweet about a pastor talked about LGBT and that's God has a plan for them. He said that we have to accept who they are. It's a little bit disturb me because honestly I against it. I against LGBT. Not the people but the idea of it. So, I bring this issue to my pastor.

The pastor said God created men and women for a reason and we should keep it that way. LGBT is just inclination of people but we don't have a right to judge them. Maybe they feel like that but they believe in God. Maybe someday they will changed. Instead of judge them, we should guide them. Not force them to change but rather guide them. If they change or not, it's not our concern as long as we do what the best we can do. But the point is, don't judge them. Only God can judge us.

A lot of times, I was being judgemental. There's still a lot of other stuffs that I judge. I am learning to not being too judgemental.

3. Being funny in some point

I never consider myself as funny person. I wanna be cool one. Haha. When I was in high school, my class only have like 11 students. Yes, 11 because the 11 of us the only qualify one to enter 1st class..haha..I was actually pretty good in high school but at some point I started to study less. Ok, I was being lazy student.

Move on. My friends always called me funny because apparently everytime I speak or talk they gonna laugh. They found me funny. I was not cool with it back then because I think I'm not that funny at all. I think I'm more to introvert type one. I didn't have many friends back then. But it's weird my classmate found me funny.

As I grow up, I realized that I'm indeed funny. Haha. Well, people around me thought so, then I'm must be funny. Haha. I always hang out with my cousins, friends and colleagues and apparently everytime I talked they laugh. Well, actually I have so many funny stuffs to tell and yeah, they laugh and smile when I told them. Sometime funny things just come out from my mouth without me aware of it. The things is sometime I don't even think the thing I said is funny. Like "it's funny??". Haha.

So I gave up to be cool. I'm funny and I'm proud of that. I think I admire my self to much. shameless. ok bye!!

NCT Life In Osaka Episode 13: Revealing NCT's Best Cowardly and Fearful Image!

It’s time to reveal NCT's Best Cowardly and Fearful Image! This gonna be a good episode, not that they have bad episode. Every episode is gold but this one is gonna be gold here and gold there. What I am saying???

 The boys are running to the next destination, haunted house since they don’t have much time and arrived in no time but cowardly Taeyong refuses to enter. Poor Taeyong. Heard that he is really scared of such things. When they went to Thailand last year, he had to make sure Doyoung are in the room every minute when he went for shower. He must be so scared.

But anyway they decide the team to three and who going 1^st. Since Doyoung lost in previous game, he is going alone while Yuta team up with Taeyong and Winwin with Taeil. Doyoung acts brave and says that he can goes in and out without screaming. Yuta doesn’t believe him and hopes that Doyoung gets scared inside.

The staffs explain that they gonna check the number of times they scream and great prize will be given according to their rank. Since there is prize, Taeyong says that he has confidence to do well now. Winwin who is still not good in Korean asks Taeil what the mission again and how to win. Taeil answers him to just don’t scream. Such a good explaination, Taeil.  

Doyoung is confident to go 1^st. Yeah, I think it’s better to go 1^st to relieve all the anxiety fast. How many times will Doyoung scream? Upon enter the haunted room, he is already scared and trembling and jumping up and down and almost curses. Haha. What? I thought you are brave and not afraid of ghost. The rest are disbelief watching him being scared.

But yeah, Doyoung forces himself enter while non-stop talking in Korean. The rest are laughing outside. Yuta says that the ghosts don’t understand Korean while Winwin tells Doyoung to quickly finish it. The moment later they heard Doyoung screams like there is no tomorrow. There is live coverage of audio outside which make the members feel like they’re next to him which make things more fun.

But that actually make the members start to feel afraid. When Doyoung suddenly gets quite near the end, they thought the end isn’t scary but nope, Doyoung scream again and this time louder. It would be a long journey, boys. Yuta is stuttering asking Taeyong to not betray each other and both are agreed to not betray one another. Winwin is wondering the possibility of betraying.

After a while, Doyoung is done and says that it is really scary inside. Doyoung says that was his first time going to haunted house and that it was really scary. He was so scared and started to wonder if he was an actual man in his 20s since he was really scared and screamed a lot that his throat hurts.

It’s Taeyong and Yuta’s turn to enter the haunted room. Taeyong says that they need a concept to go in and both decide to going in manly style and since there are two of them, they are confident that they won’t scream at all. Both walk in like manly guys but start to scamper  when the ghost near the entrance moving. Taeyong is running for his life leaving Yuta in disbelief. Haha.  Unfortunately for Taeyong though, because he is apparently running straight to the ghost lady and his reaction is gold.

Taeyong’s scream can be heard outside which make Winwin and Taeil laughing. Inside, Yuta reminds Taeyong to act manly. Yuta still keeps it together while Taeyong literally loses it. Taeyong tries to calm himself by rapping but ending up scream more. Again, make the rest outside laughing on the floor. Yuta suggests both of them to hold hand and wondering how Doyoung did it alone. Both are not wasting their voice, especially Taeyong. At this rate, they’ll faint. Poor Taeyong and especially Yuta since he has to handle the ghosts and Taeyong. Hahaha.

They finish the mission while dragging their weak body. Haha. They claim that it’s really scary inside. Yuta says that Taeyong held his hand really tight. Taeil is ready to enter but Winwin is not. He is barely entering with Taeil as his shield. As soon as they enter, both are chaos with Winwin pull Taeil back while Taeil resist. Taeil is ready to fight the ghost and with his voice. The rest are calm and having fun listening to the live audio coverage of both. Taeil pretended to be indifferent but he’s the only one screaming. Both Taeil and Winwin start to argue where Taeil yells to Winwin to not pull him and that WInwin is even more scary. Haha. But it can be heard too that Taeil also try to calm Winwin down and actually tell Winwin to hold him. What is that, Taeil? To hold you or not? Winwin says that he might cry and try to flatter the ghost lady in Korean.

Both are scream, scream and scream and at the end of the never ending scream, both are out laughing like  gone mad. Who won the haunted house mission though?

Yuta asks how it feels to enter the haunted house. Taeyong is clearing his throat which enough as answer. Haha. Doyoung says that he thought that he has a lot of fear at 1^st but then realized that he is actually quite better than the others. Taeil tries to explain that he is not scared at all but both Doyoung and Yuta finish him by saying that he screamed the most among them.

Time to reveals their scream ranks. Each of them will get some allowance to buy snacks based on their rank. Taeyong says that if he knew that earlier he would’ve held himself better. 1^st place gets 3000 yen, 2^nd place gets 2000 yen and last place gets 500 yen (that’s are really-really small amount).

The 1^st place goes to Doyoung with only 7 times scream. Doyoung knew that he would get 1^st place since he thinks that the rest screamed more than 20 times. Winwin gives him good cheerful reaction follow by Taeil to flatter Doyoung. Haha. Total kiss-up as Winwin said. 2^nd place with 20 times scream goes to Yuta and Taeyong while 3^rd place with 21 times scream goes to Taeil and Winwin.  

Doyoung is lucky. Being alone actually pretty good advantage. Taeyong is such a scaredy cat. Yuta is manly. I believe he can surpass Doyoung in this challenge but since he was with Taeyong, it can’t be help. Winwin is surely a scaredy cat too eventhough he is not scream much. He is lucky to have Taeil as ghost- blocking shield. If not because of Taeil, he is probably already faint in the entrance, Haha, Just kidding, Same as Taeyong. They should team up them both. It would be epic. Taeil is brave but yeah, Winwin scared him the most. He screams in manly voice and that’s matter.

It was scary experience but the boys having fun and since they already waste their energy and voice, they should go eat and that for next episode. NCT and eating broadcast are fate.

Going Home???

Just talked to my cousin. She is ready to go home and she is excited to go home.

I was like? What? What make you excited to go home? Basically for me, there's nothing at home. Like literally nothing. Note that me and my cousin we lived in same area. We live in same hometown. We lived there more than 2 decades already.

Yes, we have our family there. Like all the family squads are there. My brothers and my sisters' family. My cousins' family. My friends' family. Like everyone I know. Hahaha. Because you know I lived there more than 2 decades already. But other than my family there's literally nothing there.

I used to feel home as home. A place where I can found calm, peace and me. Like Hannah Montana's song " You'll always find your way back home". I lost so many time but I always find my way back when I got home. Like I felt good, peace and calm and everything that I need.

But recently, I feel nothing when I go home. I have a cold fight with my father. My father is a fighter. He is hardworking man who literally work himself a lot when he was young just to raise us up. He always want the best for us. He worked hard so that us can get good education. We did. Well, not all of us since 1/5 of us is jobless. Not really jobless, hahaha, that's so savage. Each of us have our own job. Well, as farmer. My father's 1st intention is to have us have a fix job like working with the goverment, but 1/5 of us now work with the field, trees, soil and other stuffs. So I guess, my father didn't achieve what he wants. That's mean he's failed. Haha. Sorry, dad.

Since he worked hard when he was young, his condition is really not good right now. He can't even walk properly because his leg hurts. So there's actually a thing between us that make me really mad and upset. So, I was like you know what, I am not going home this year except for Christmas and New Year. Well,  at least I have plan to go home for Christmas and New Year, and I was not saying this to them verbally like face to face but more like I talked to myself.

I felt sorry a lot but I don't think I can go home with all the mixed feeling inside me. Probably going to stress me more. When I am stress my parent would be probably stress than me. So I am not gonna stress them seeing me stress.

Also, yes there's nothing at my hometown except you like farming, fishing, and some jungle stuffs. Sometime I wondering if all the people there feel good living life like that. Especially for girls/woman that married to men from my hometown and spend their life there. Like in that closed small place. But hey, all of us are not same. Probably they feel good with their life, something that I misses. I can't be judgemental.

The other day, my cousins and me watched the villagers playing football. The loser will pay for drinks. One of my cousin said something like "coz there's no elsewhere they can spend their money, they spend it for little thing like this". Haha, but I think game like this apply everywhere not just at our home. Even in big city. 

Anyway, it will take me months to go home. Except probably when I get really-really homesick, then I am probably just hoop in my car driving home.

"Purpose" by Justin Bieber

Feeling like I'm breathing my last breath
Feeling like I'm walking my last steps
Look at all of these tears I've wept
Look at all the promises that I've kept

I put my all into your hands
Here's my soul to keep
I let you in with all that I can
You're not hard to reach
And you've blessed me with the best gift
That I've ever known
You give me purpose
Yeah, you've given me purpose

Thinking my journey's come to an end
Sending out a farewell to my friends, for inner peace
Ask you to forgive me for my sins, oh would you please?
I'm more than grateful for the time we spent, my spirit's at ease

I put my heart into your hands
Learn the lessons you teach
No matter when, wherever I am
You're not hard to reach
And you've given me the best gift
That I've ever known
You give me purpose everyday
You give me purpose in every way

Oh, you are my everything
Oh, you are my everything

[Spoken:]
I don't know if this is wrong because someone else is telling me that it's wrong but I feel this so let me just like, try my best not to let this happen again. We weren't necessarily put in the best position to make the best decisions.

You can't be hard on yourself for these were the cards that you were given. So you have to understand that these, like... that's not who you are. You know you're trying to be the best you can be, but that's all you can do. If you don't give it all you got, you're only cheating yourself. Give it all you got, but if it ends up happening, it ends up happening.

That's what—that's what's happening with me. It's like "God, I'm giving it all I got, sometimes I'm weak and I'm gonna do it". And it's like I'm not giving myself grace, I'm just like understanding, that's just how it is.

"Life Is Worth Living" by Justin Bieber

Ended up on a crossroad
Try to figure out which way to go
It's like you're stuck on a treadmill
Running in the same place
You got your hazard lights on now
Hoping that somebody would slow down
Praying for a miracle
Who'll show you grace?
Had a couple dollars and a quarter tank of gas
With a long journey ahead
Seen a truck pull over
God sent an angel to help you out
He gave you direction
Showed you how to read a map
For that long journey ahead
Said it ain't never over
Oh, even in the midst of doubt

Life is worth living, ou ou ou ou
Life is worth living, so live another day
The meaning of forgiveness
People make mistakes, doesn't mean you have to give in
Life is worth living again

Relationship on a ski slope
Avalanche comin' down slow
Do we have enough time to salvage this love?
Feels like a blizzard in April
'Cause my heart is just that cold
Skating on thin ice
But it's strong enough to hold us up
Seen her scream and holler
Put us both on blast
Tearing each other down
When I thought it was over
God sent an angel to help us out, yeah
He gave us direction, showed us how to make it last
For that long journey ahead
Said it ain't never over
No, even in the midst of doubt

Life is worth living, ou ou ou ou
Life is worth living, so live another day
The meaning of forgiveness
People make mistakes, doesn't mean you have to give in
Life is worth living again, oh whoa oh
Life is worth living again

What I get from my reflection
Is a different perception
From what the world may see
They try to crucify me
I ain't perfect, won't deny
My reputation's on the line
So I'm working on a better me

Life is worth living, oh yeah
Life is worth living, so live another day
The meaning of forgiveness
People make mistakes
Only God can judge me
Life is worth living again
Another day
Life is worth living again

#snsd

I was sitting read some articles. Not really an articles. Okay, I read my twitter. Haha. I don't have many followers but I did follow a lot of people and mostly is sones. It's really great to actually read their twits. Sometime I leave some comments and it's feel like talking to friend who share same interest with me. It's understandable because there's not many around me who likes kpop, well some are but not a sone. My sister on the other hand really hates kpop and always tells me that she doesn't understand kpop at all. Haha. Never mind. Her perspective is not important.

Right now, twitter is mess with snsd contract news. So I try to stay away from it. For me, as long as girls are happy then I am happy. They have been for 10 years, if they want another 10 years, that would be nice but no pressure. If they want go for other road, then I’ll support them in every step they choose. They have give sones amazing 10 years so its time for them to settle with their own life. I mean being an idol is not easy. 10 years of hardwork, tears, blood, sweats and sacrifice. 10 years already great achievement. They already a legend who will not be forgotten for next 1000 years.